Networking Pitfall: Call Someone Mr. or Ms.
After you’ve graduated from college, the only appropriate time to address someone with the title Mr., Mrs. or Ms. is when you’re meeting your parents’ friends or the head of country. And in the latter case, you’d use the title of president, prime minister, king/queen, raj, emperor/empress or whatever the rest of their country calls them. I can only imagine if you’re hanging out in those circles, you’re probably not reading this!
In general business and social settings it is more than appropriate to call people by their first name. So why do so many people still address others with such formality? You might say it’s a sign of respect. I might suggest that it’s awkward (and even more awkward when you get it wrong – like calling a single woman Mrs. or assigning the wrong gender to someone!). It creates a fictitious sense of who might be on a higher plane. The most appropriate way to show someone a sign of respect is to call them by their name. It puts you both on a level playing field. After all, no one is any better than you (and likewise, you’re no better than anyone else).
So, quit addressing people through email, letter or in person by anything other than their first name (and that goes for “Dear Sir or Madam” – what, are we still in the 18th century?). Show them you know how to be an adult who is worthy of an actual conversation!
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Absolutely agree with the use of first name – - in the US.
In Europe, and in partcular Germany, colleagues in a business setting always use the last name. It is common to also add Herr, Frau. Doktor, or Professor to the last name. The first name is only used by persons who are familiar enough to use the pronoun, “Du”, instead of the formal “Sie”. The grammar gets very clumsy when a first mane is used with “Sie”.
One should privqately ask the individual if it is ok to use the familiar form.
In Japan, only the last name is used (but it is in the first position). Only a parent or spouse will refer to a person by their first name, and then usually in private.
Using the first names in these cultures can actually be confusing since few people will even know a colleague by their first name.
No doubt many international companies are adopting “The American Way” of using first names. Unless you know for sure, err on the side of formality until you understand the local custom.
Amen! I’m almost offended if someone calls me Mrs. As a matter of fact – a college kid stopped me on the street yesterday and called me “Mam”. That ruined my day. I’m only 30 — don’t call me Mam (ever)!